malea

The move

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 15:14:33 GMT

View from the old apartment, originally uploaded by Maleaji.

We've moved out of our old apartment in Adams Morgan, with its nice cathedral view, prime location in a crime hotspot, stultifying heat, and uncontrollable water temperature.

Fri, 07 Jan 2005 18:51:11 GMT

Back at work, and feeling better after a few weeks away. Classes start next week. It's been sort of nice just working 9 to 5 again. I've started cooking again, and my roommates and I have painted two rooms (one terra cotta, one sort of seafoam), and I'm going to paint my room "guacamole" this weekend. We may be going overboard on different colors, but after a few years of untouchable, off-white apartment walls, who could blame us?

I'm also starting to look for internships over the summer. Nervous but exciting.

Tue, 14 Dec 2004 21:56:39 GMT

The semester is over, I've done kind of shitty in my classes, which is a very new thing for me, and I'm working at a sould sucking job (not so new to me) until Thursday, and then I'm going home.

Like my new picture or, like me, think that I look evil and about to choke my cat.

Wed, 08 Dec 2004 17:13:34 GMT

Hmm...
I'm feeling out of touch, so I'm tentatively posting again.

I am one final exam short of being a quarter of the way done with my masters.

This is not a huge consolation, because it was a beast of a semester, and I know it's only going to get worse. I was feeling reflective today, because it's really beautiful outside today (I know it's warm most places this week, but I choose to consider warmth in December one of the bonuses of choosing to live in the South), and I was walking around campus, and browsing in the bookstore, and missing Kenyon. My program is super practical, and I'm learning pretty specific things about public health programs. But I am not a practical person, and Kenyon lulled me into this wonderful feeling that education is more about exploration than how learn enough to more effectively chase grants for the rest of my life. I miss studying obscure religious sects in Asia. I miss esoteric classes with exciting reading lists. But here I am.

I guess you can't stay on the hill forever. And I have winter break to read things other than journal articles about stopping college binge drinking.

Mon, 27 Oct 2003 20:59:37 GMT

It's the first time in ages that I've updated.

I was walking to work this morning in the rain, and a homeless man smoking a cigarillo looked at me and said "can I come to work with you?" I told him he wouldn't want to, as I've been feeling really negative about my job lately. Then I realized that was a really stupid fucking thing to say to someone sitting outside in the rain in October. "You would hate sitting at a desk playing on the internet all day and getting paid for it, mister." So I hurried on to the metro, and focused on the leaves changing color in Rock Creek Park to take my mind off what an idiot I am.

On the upside, I am finally wearing my new blue cardigan, the first sweater I've attempted to make this year. I am ready for the cold.

and who says I never update

Wed, 26 Feb 2003 17:27:26 GMT

Hey all, (by all I mean Megan)

Thought I would update, because I'm motivating to get into grad school, and I figured that advertising what I want to do will force me to do it.

At any rate, I have found that the grad program I most want to do is at Johns Hopkins, Masters in Health Science, International Health, focusing on Social and Behavioral Interventions

"The program provides students with a broad exposure to applied social science and health education/communication theory and methods for health-related research, implementation, and evaluation. Coursework emphasizes theoretical and methodological approaches within applied medical anthropology, medical sociology, health education and communication, qualitative and quantitative methods, competency within a specific cultural/geographic area, and principles and methods for community-based intervention research. "

I just don't know if I can get in. It's the #1 school of public health in the country.

But I'm excited about it-- I've even signed up for a GRE prep class and summer statistics.

Wish me luck.

But how can they really turn me down when all I want to do with my life is to protect "fags junkies and whores" (my boss' words) from HIV?

Mon, 09 Dec 2002 18:45:34 GMT

Hey, I did intend to write in this darn thing every once in a while…

As it stands, things are pretty good. I had a lovely weekend – Tom made gumbo, watched Amélie, went to the zoo, attended a coworker’s party, and saw my first hockey game (we wont free tickets). This week looks quite fun, too. Birthday party for a friend, Christmas party Friday, then our “cookie decorating, tree trimming, eggnog slamming holiday extravaganza.” Of course, my roommate says that for a guest list of 20 people or so, we only really need one bottle of rum. This somehow seems like a bad idea. I think the backup liquor supply is going to fall on me. Oh well, I can deal. Anyone want to come? You’re invited!

Feeling Vaxy

Tue, 05 Nov 2002 17:22:23 GMT

Good things: Tomorrow is our 50th anniversary gala (free meal), Nigeria stopped the good old practice of stoning women (I think it had something to do with Oprah), frozen veggie burritos with roasted vegetables, I get to go to the Spy Museum for free on Sunday morning, I have on very comfortable shoes (Dansko clogs), my cat has been very affectionate lately, Tom and I will have been dating for 2 years, um, sometime this week. That might fall into the category of “weird,”

Bad things: Bush, Bush, Republicans, Bush, insects in my kitchen, Luke’s new boy gave him a ticket to Sigur Ros last night (and a copy of the new CD) and Tom still hasn’t paid me back for the Sleater-Kinney tickets, I have to help Tom move this weekend, AT&T is screwing me over my cell phone, my office is always cold, the useless gesture that is voting in DC.

I should end with more good things: Renting a car to get home for Thanksgiving, so no airports.

My job in the news

Fri, 01 Nov 2002 22:14:27 GMT

Just so you know, it's only private funds of the Population Council that go to any abortion research, and we do promote abstinence, when appropriate. This all makes me really frustrated, especially when I think about the possibility of Republicans dominating all three branches of government for the next two years, if not longer.

Ten Republican House members on Oct. 24 sent a letter to Andrew Natsios, administrator of the U.S. Agency for International Development, requesting that $65 million awarded to the Population Council for HIV/AIDS prevention activities be rescinded and granted to an organization that "does not support or perform" abortion. The letter states that giving the grant money to the Population Council violates "the principle" behind the "Mexico City" policy, an executive order that bars federal funding from going to international groups that use their own funds to provide or promote abortion services. The Population Council, which holds the patent on the medical abortion pill mifepristone and which the lawmakers say is a "promoter [and] provider" of abortion, should not have access to taxpayer dollars to fund medical abortions, according to the letter. "If the Population Council was a foreign nongovernmental organization and was applying for population funding instead of HIV/AIDS funding, it would be ineligible under U.S. law," the letter states. "[G]iving $65 million to an organization that specializes in medical abortions is unconscionable," the letter says, adding that "the American public does not want to subsidize abortion" and "we do not want to send a mixed message to other countries by paying abortion providers to be our international aid surrogates."

Questions About HIV/AIDS Prevention Activities
The letter also requests that USAID provide a breakdown of the amount of its funds that are being used to "fund or promote" research or implementation of abstinence-only programs, as well as comprehensive sex education programs that include information on condoms and contraceptives. The letter states that lawmakers are "extremely disappointed" that the Population Council's Horizons HIV prevention program "focuses only on condom promotion" and does not recommend abstinence. Abstinence in the council's program is "completely ignored as an intervention to reduce HIV and STD [transmission] among youth," despite evidence that abstinence and delaying the onset of sexual activity have proven "highly successful" in reducing HIV rates in Uganda and Zambia, according to the letter. The letter was signed by Reps. Christopher Smith (R-N.J.), Jo Ann Davis (R-Va.), Joseph Pitts (R-Pa.), Roscoe Bartlett (R-Md.), Jim DeMint (R-S.C.), Mark Souder (R-Ind.), Sue Myrick (R-N.C.), David Vitter (R-La.), John Sullivan (R-Okla.) and Todd Akin (R-Mo.) (Letter text, 10/24).

Did you know that they really don't delete your journal after 30 days?

Fri, 01 Nov 2002 17:12:50 GMT

Although I know that the livejournal thing can backfire (i.e. a simple LJ prank ends up with my boyfriend’s family thinking that I’m cheating on him with my gay roommate, see entry for Nov. 7, 2001), I’m going to give it another shot, since I spy on all the people I know who have LJs and feel sort of guilty about it.

Nothing much to report, though. I’m being cheated by ATT wireless, which makes me really angry and eats all of my money in exchange for shitty service. On the upside, I have a really cute new red winter coat that I get to wear now that it’s cold.

I also think that NPR likes to mess up their not-quite-awake listeners in the morning, because why else would they run something that messes up your dreams as much as a segment on “the elephant listener?”

And, as you can see, my job is really slow today, as much as I love it (http://www.populationcouncil.com/horizons/horizons.html) The only problem is, I can’t do very much in public health without an advanced degree, so my job seems kind of low-level compared to my friends, and it makes me feel sort of self-conscious. But then I remember that because I have this job, I know the Senegalese terms for “tops” and “bottoms” and know a lot more about Brazilian sex workers. And that’s enough for me.

Sat, 10 Nov 2001 05:12:13 GMT

My job doesn't give me enough hours, it's not very challenging, and I don't make enough money to ever be able to live on my own. I would take a third job, but the scheduling is too difficult, and although I wouldn't mind working more, I can't stand the idea of commuting more.

I am thinking long and hard about grad school. I guess I'll get a book on the GRE and try to ingratiate myself with people at work.

But then I get frustrated and impatient. I want to get work experience before I go to grad school. I would also like to have health insurance.

Then I talk to Tina, hoping for some words of wisdom, and she tells me that I need to quit my job, find one outside my field that pays well and forget my ideals. And that's before she got started on how I dress. I wanted to stick me head in the oven last night. But things were better today.

I'm now waiting for Luke to get online, and in the meantime I'm scraping the mold out of mugs that have been sitting in my room for months. This is how you can tell that my parents are coming tomorrow. I'm excited to see them, and I want them all to myself. But I can't have it that way. Oh well, at least I get my leather jacket back. My mom's best friend made me a pumpkin pie and a cherry pie, and mom made me chocolate cake, which makes me happy.

I want to talk to tom, but when I called, I think I got his grandmother. Usually when I call and ask for Tom, she gets confused until I say I'm calling for Tommy, but tonight she was more confused than usual and asked if I meant Tommy Freeman. That's his mother's side of the family, so it didn't seem that strange until she said that he had gone to lunch (it was 10:00 at night) and some other things I couldn't understand. I guess I'll let him call me next time.

I think I'm done now. I'm going to bed, and I'll save my stories about my guilty irritation with blind people on the metro for another day.

Thu, 08 Nov 2001 21:20:04 GMT

Stuck to my computer, I have a screen cleaner that says:

"Participant research services: we identify deaths and locate participants."

I try to hide it on the side, but it still disturbs me.

Wed, 07 Nov 2001 16:49:59 GMT

I had a bad moment last night... I got really scared and nervous about everything going on in my life, how my internsihp isn't going anywhere, how I need to go to grad school if I ever want to do anything even remotely close to whatI'm interested in but I don't know if I"m smart enough... I decided that I really don't have the money to take Luke's friend up on the fantastic and perfectly located apartment that she offered me. It was expensive, but I thought I could handle it until my mom reminded me how little money I kept in my bank account. It would just be a constant struggle. I need to start small, and although everyone says I should move in with Tom, I've come to realize that this is a terrible idea. He snores like a buzz saw. I would never sleep. I detest the commute, I'm always exhausted even though I technically don't work that many hours.

At any rate, Luke is supposed to come over tonight, and I promise that nothing will happen this time. Tom is at a funeral. Have to remember that.

Tue, 06 Nov 2001 18:10:21 GMT

My favorite onion line...

You know that old saying, "Life begins at 40"? Well, not in Sierra Leone! The life expectancy there is 38! I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto!

Last night I spent the night at Tom's because his grandfather died and he's supposed to catch a flight today. This morning he got up to unlock the gate so I could go to work. And I innocently closed the door behind me. oops.

Oops, because he didn't have his door key. And so he had to go to where his roommate works in VA, and then back, and then back to VA to give his keys back, and then home to pack and then to the train station and then to Baltimore so he can make it to his grandfather's funeral. And I am the worst girlfriend in the world, but at least I don't live in Sierra Leone.

Anyone have any suggestions on making this up to him, aside from the rather obvious one?

Mon, 29 Oct 2001 18:50:10 GMT

Went to Williams-Sonoma University last night. It was very very fun. And I got a $94 bread knife, and we got paid for it, and I can be snobbier! And I realized that there isn't a single person at W-S that I don't like, and I look forward to going to work. I think this is a good sign.

Today I don't work until 6, so I did a bunch of errands. I went to the regular grocery store, and then allowed yself to go to trader joe's with ten dollars. Raspberry soda and the best microwave dinners are my lunches for the week. I always feel a little decadent at work, because the lowly intern brings Sanpellegrino and frozen indian food, while the people above me are microwaving their leftovers and campbell's soup.

Tom is supposed to come back tonight, and I'm supposed to take the metro into the city and stay at his place tonight, but I don't know if it's going to happen. Oh well, my fingers are crossed.

Sun, 28 Oct 2001 18:38:56 GMT

What a weekend! It's like someone is trying to prove that I don't need tom to have a good time.

Friday night I was soooooooo tired when I got off work, but I met lukey at starbucks and he invited me to come along to his friend my le's house for dinner. My le is a geologist working with a paleobotanist at the Smithsonian, and works with Luke at Barnes and Noble. Her husband is Australian and has lived all over the world. The other woman that came is a PhD student in anthropology from HINGHAM. And we had an incredible dinner with homemade pasta sauce and chocolate cake and good wine and really really interesting conversation. And then I stayed over at Lukes and slept incredibly well.

And in the morning he went out to get breakfast and came back with orange juice and a muffin for me and a big beautiful red flower :) And so we ate and watched dude where's my car, to make up for the fact that we watched Quills last time I stayed over. And by the time that was over we had to go meet his friend Stuart, with whom we ended up going to lunch and looking for pieces of his sexy spiderman outfit.

Then I took the metro back to Fairfax. I had half an hour to shower, eat, and get ready before I had to leave for Williams-Sonoma, where we had a very very good night. I felt pretty good about myself, because a man had been looking at the knives and I helped him, and he ended up buying a $130 cook's knife. He said it was because I was so nice, which I sort of believed, because he seemed sort of lonely, and I listened to him talk about how much he knew about knives. Yeah, so I felt like that was a pretty good sale. And the next people that I helped spent $1336. I didn't even know how to say that when I asked for their credit card. All new cookware and appliances. At any rate, I was completely exhausted by the time I got home, but then I ran into Tina, who invited me to a sixties party at their neighbors' house, who are both from India, so the food was incredible. To make things even more interesting, their nephew was visiting, and he had grown up in Delhi and had just graduated from UW Madison, lived in Wisconsin, and knew two people from my sumemr Telugu class in Madison. So I ended up staying there and talking to him until 2 in the morning, but I was so tired that I coudln't remember his name and was too ashamed to ask. Oh well.

So that was my exciting weekend, and this afternoon I go to Bethesda for Williams-Sonoma University. Life is good. Tom is supposed to go home tomorrow, so I might go into the city to see him when I get off work tomorrow. And that's it.

Mon, 22 Oct 2001 04:27:55 GMT

one other thing...

the other day I thought I saw a certain evil evil someone from my past in the mall.

Then I realized it was short teenaged boy with a bad haircut,

and I felt much better.

Mon, 22 Oct 2001 04:26:14 GMT

haven't posted in a while...

My day was strange.

Some very bad things happened. Tom's grandfather is in the hospital and not doing well. He called and asked if I could send him his good suit, but I can't get in touch with his roommate. everyone acts like this is a really unreasonable request, but I don't really understand why. It's one thing I can actually do to help him out. But, alas, I don't think it's going to work out. And Luke lost his wallet, which had the money that his parents gave him and his paycheck and of course credit cards and his Kentucky id. That completely sucks, and I really wish there was something I could do. The boy has enough problems.

But things were actually pretty good today. I slept late, cleaned my room, and then took the metro into DC. (looking very cute in my new clogs and new dark denim skirt, purchased to replace the one from walmart that's coming apart at the butt seam, which was purchased to the one that Alyssa borrowed once upon a time.) I walked around Georgetown for a long time, but mainly I just talked to my parents for hours, because my little brother was home from OSU for the weekend. I can tell I really miss my parents because I do this a lot. I tend to call my mom whenever I'm walking around the mall. It's completely obnoxious, but very comforting. ooh, I went into the new Monsoon and Accessorize at the mall in georgetown. (come on megan, you know you want to...) And then I met up with luke when he got off work at Barnes and Noble. And then we went to our favorite South Indian Vegetarian restauraunt. We actually go there about once a week. It was wonderful, but a little disappointing because we hadn't had our waiter before, and he wasn't very friendly. All the other people there know and love us. Oh, well, we left a good tip and maybe he'll be nicer next time. After sitting there for two hours, we called joy and talked to her for a long time, which was great, because I miss her terribly and haven't talked to her in ages. Then back to the metro. Then Miranda called! It was wonderful to talk to her too, even though my phone was being completely spastic. And I just got off the phone with tom... he seemed in better spirits tonight. We had a somewhat normal conversation. I miss him a lot.. and I think it's reciprocated. I asked him out about a week after Halloween last year. It's been a long time...

So now I'm going to sleep. Last night I dreamed I got caught speeding really egregiously, like 60 in a 25 or something. Hopefully tonight will be better.

Fri, 19 Oct 2001 03:32:16 GMT

I"m curious. How is everyone dealing with all the stuff that's going on? Is it less scary to be in cities that haven't been hit by terrorists or anthrax, or is it just the idea? Has anybody else had to really reevaluate how they feel on international policy issues... Things took a long time to hit me, and I'm just down. not about anything in particular, just kind of a pervasive sadness, and anger. I get tense and nervous and kind of scared. I hate it. How are y'all doing?

Thu, 18 Oct 2001 03:28:13 GMT

tomorrow morning I have to get up very early and go to work. I shouldn't be up this late. But I'm drinking chammomile tea, which is certainly a precursor to going to sleep.

Work went well the other day. I have a feeling that my job is going to be a little of everything. It was fun, and it was cool to be surrounded by all these books and articles etc. on thing I'm interested in. God, if only I had access to all this stuff when I was writing my comps.

I think I did well. I hope I did well. I'm terrified that I'm going to suck at this job or hate this job. Ack. Still a bundle of nerves about all of this.

I met luke after work, which was fun. And while I was waiting for him, I got to curl up in an armchair at starbucks next to the fire, which was nice since I got rained on. It made me miss joy. none of my friends here really like to go out for coffee. Actually, I just really miss having girlfriends around. Even the ones that didn't drink coffee.

Yeah, so luke made me dinner, and we watched quills. This was such a terrible idea. By the end of the movie I was begging hm to at least mute it so I wouldn't be able to hear anything while my head was under the pillow. It's going to give me nightmares. I guess I'm just not in the right frame of mind for that kind of thing right now. I mentioned this to Tom on the phone today, and he reassured me that zombie movies are very predictable and lighthearted. I still don't think I'm going to give in to the zombie movie marathon he's begging for. But we are going to see iron monkey.

Yeah, I think that's it. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow after work.

Tue, 16 Oct 2001 03:52:56 GMT

today I was im'ing my little brother and he called me daisymae. I thought that was cute. He's always fun to talk to.

I'm in a bad mood. Well, that's not quite what I mean. I made the mistake of watching the news when I got off work. I mean, it's not like I was watching fox, in fact I was watching charlie rose, and it scared the shit out of me and made me so angry and so frustrated and sad about everything. Threw a washcloth across the room and drank some chammomile tea. It usually helps. I"m also very nervous about my job. I start tomorrow, and I've been filling out forms. I'm afraid I'm going to hate it, decide I don't want to go into this field, have to start all over again. To top it all off, Luke is pretty sure that he's moving back to Kentucky. I think Gil had a hand in talking him into it. Bad gil. And thanks a lot,perspective roomie luke.

I should be happier. It's taken me ages to find a job. Oh well, have to think positive, have to not listen to NPR in the morning on the way to work. yeah. good night

Mon, 15 Oct 2001 05:13:58 GMT

Brett cut me off, so sorry to the people I was IM-ing.

Hey, shouldn't you be off the phone before midnight on a school night? And maybe you wouldn't cough so much at night if you cut back on your smoking. OK, I smoked like a fiend, but at least I was old enough to buy my own cigarettes and not steal them from my grandmother.

that said...

I had a lovely weekend. I went into DC saturday night and met Tom. We didn't do much, just sat outside at a rather hip resteraunt and split a half pitcher of swirl magaritas, then walked around adams morgan hanging on Tom's arm, half because I was wearing my fuck me boots and half because I was pretty drunk.

Although he claimed that I wasn't drunk when I explained why there were so many presidents from Ohio. He just didn't know how difficult it was to spit it all out.

And then, after looking cute, we went to his place. TOday, we did nothing, although I did make him pancakes. He requested plain, although acknowledged that the ginger spice ones I made from the W-S catalog last week were very good. But he went back to nashville today to pick up some things. hopefully he'll be back by friday.

That's about all. I'm reading "taliban," by ahmed rashid, which I highly recommend. I start my new job on Tuesday, so wish me luck,

Sat, 06 Oct 2001 04:35:10 GMT

I've had a fantastic week.

First of all, I got a job! It's part time, three days a week for $12/hour, working at a international health reform org in Bethesda MD. Hopefully, it will eventually become full-time. Also, when I talked to my future supervisor, she mentioned that my references were all very enthusiastic, which is always good to hear.

Eek! I am going to have the commute from hell, but I think it's worth it.

Everything else seems to be going very well, too. I finally broke down and bought a new pair of cute and very comfy clogs, made for people who stand all day.

Then... I got an e-mail from Dan! When I lived in Madison before I went to India, he lived in a basement apt in the same building, and he hung out in out apartment all the time. He dated joy fora while too, but that was strange. I was having a really rought time emotionally that summer, and I spent so much time sitting on the front steps smoking and talking. bad for the lungs, but very good for the soul. But then we went to India, and it just fucked up his head. He went a little crazy. mean crazy. He traveled with joy and I for a few weeks over winter break. It was awkward, but I had a good time. But hwen I said goodbye to him in New Delhi, I thought I was never going to see him again. Especially when I got an e-mail saying he was going to Kyrgyzstan for the Peace Corps.

but... wednesday night, I got an e-mail saying that he was back in the US, and in DC no less, so I got a hold of him, and Luke, Tom and I went to see him. It was absolutely wonderful. He had a reallg good experience, and was pissed that they had been evacuated, but he was back to his old self -- funny, twitchy, and really interesting. We had a wonderful evening, listening to his stories about giardia, and the kyrgyz gynecologist with gold teeth that he's in love with (so, how would you like to travel the developing world with me, ameliorating gender inequality?"). And he thinkg that after he goes home for a while, he might move to DC, which would be fantastic. yeah. it was a good time.

then the next day tom and I took a beautiful long drive into the virginia country side, which was wonderful, even thought it was because he had to go pay a speeding ticket. We went back into the city and I made him apple spice bread from williams-sonoma, which was very good, and it helped get rid of the smell from the bird that flew into his room and died when he was in NYC last weekend. And after eating bread, we walked around adam's morgan and ended up at a Peruvian Seafood restaurant, and had a wonderful food, and importantly, patio seats for excellent people watching.

This morning I went to work, and found out I had been shopped, and since you have all worked retail I"m sure you know what I mean, and I did really well, which was cool. I was talking to my mom about it, and she sort of laughed it off, but I work really hard at williams-sonoma, and I like it a lot, so it makes me happy to make the store look good, even though they don't pay me very much. Everything was good, except that while we were busy, I was wrapping a present for someone, I cut my finger fairly badly. I won't go into it here, but I got a little flustered and said something about it to the woman I was working with, and a nearby customer looked like she was going to faint. I felt bad about that, but the look on her face was pretty funny.

I also had the pleasure of having a woman storm into the store saying "I am so angry! the salesperson at the store next door and they TOLD MY SON TO BE QUIET!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT !!! all he was doing was pretending to be wolf and howling at the moon. AND THEY TOLD HIM TO BE QUIET!" It was difficult to be sympathetic while trying to keep a straight face.

ok... tomorrow Tom wants to go to a club. We'll see if I;m up to that after working.

Ok, I think that''s about it.

Fri, 05 Oct 2001 18:24:59 GMT

I got the job!

more later...

have I mentioned that the ILL ladies are wonderful?

Mon, 01 Oct 2001 18:58:22 GMT

I know that most of you don't go to kenyon anymore, or never did, but the ladies who work in the Interlibrary Loan department are the sweetest people EVER! And this is espcially good because the woman who interviewed me called and asked for a work related reference instead of just profs, and I gave her an ILL name and e-mail address. My "library experience" was basically what got me the interview, and Cindy, the ILL lady who responded to the reference thing and who also assembled megan's homecoming dress, just wrote me a really sweet e-mail about what a glowing recommendation she gave.

huzzah!

Also, I went to trader joe's and bought ginger chewy candy, rice crackers with seaweed, and sanpelligrino organge soda. I am a very happy girl.